Hey everybody,
A lot has gone down over these past several months (dammit, again I'm sorry I didn't keep you posted sooner) and my head is overwhelmed with a whole lot of different feelings and issues.

So let's get down to some of the major issues that have gone down over these last several months, starting with the progress in my NEW relationship with my wonderful girlfriend. Yes, it happened, I told the woman I love how I felt about her, and as luck would have it, she has feelings for me.
We have now been officially dating for over 3 months, and for the first time in my life, my life has meaning! I admit our relationship did take a rocky start since we were so used to be just friends. We didn't know where to start, luckily I had friends who gave me some pointers.
We started holding hands a couple of weeks in, then moved on to intimate hugs, followed by cuddling, now we are just at the stage where it SHOULD be alright to kiss on a regular basis. We have a little trouble trying to make that work, but I am confident that a few more dates will be all we need to be able to kiss each other regularly (I hope).

But alas, it hasn't always been smooth sailing in this relationship. I have been feeling quite upset and depressed recently about something a friend told me my girlfriend was doing. It really hurt me to hear what she was doing. Apparently, according to her, she was being flirty with other guys behind my back. It really pissed me off, but I knew she would never do that.
I got around to calling her about the issue once a friend told her I wasn't feeling alright about the issue. My intuition I preceded told me correctly. When I told her I heard about the issue, she immediately told me that it never happened and she would never do anything like that. I was relieved and at the same time so foolish to doubt that she would do something like that.

Experiencing all the hurt feelings over that last issue gave me a new perspective that I wasn't happy with. I was feeling so depressed that I didn't see a point to carry the relationship on. But I did because I love her ever so much. I expressed my depression through songs that alluded darkness to the situation. This sparked an interest to fabrics or darkness that I was blind not to see which links to my problems.
So here is where it stands; Jean and I are still in love, but we need to improve our relationship a little. But if in any way, she results in breaking in my heart (which I know and trust that she won't) I will have choice but to abandon all things good and stop hoping for better. I will change myself to someone others do not see inside of me...
If the result happens it will prone me to be more darker and more helpless to good. A Goth!

-Ashley